Blog Archives

Christian Advice for Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow is an American football player who is vocal about his faith. Here’s some advice I hope he reads.  **Please read all 8 before getting all upset at me**

Dear Tim Tebow,

Christians around the world would like to ask you to tone it down a little. Your everyday, all-day religion is freaking us out. We love God too, and want to be good people. But there is more to our lives than God. All of your Jesus-ness is making us uncomfortable.

Here is our advice.

First, Stop praying so often.

Most Christians don’t pray anymore. Praying is old school. If we do pray, we only pray before a meal or before bed. We really don’t expect them to work, and neither should you. It’s not like praying before everything you do helps or anything.

Second, Stop putting scripture on your eye paint.

Most Christians don’t read scripture anymore, and the scripture we do read makes no difference in our lives. Reading scripture is outdated. We want inspirational quotes. We don’t know what on earth all that 3:16 stuff means. Is that a page number?

Third, Stop working so hard.

Hard-work is not fun. Life should be easy. Hard-work is lame. Most Christians want to believe and receive. There is no room for work in our theology, and if we do work it certainly Isn’t going to be hard.

Fourth, Stop being so positive.

Can’t you find one thing in your life to complain about? Couldn’t you could whine a little about the pressure you’re under or the media’s constant scrutiny? Maybe, you could complain about how hard it is to live on “only” $11,000,000.

Fifth, Pass the blame.

You actually takes responsibility for his mistakes. What is that garbage? Tebow, please pass the blame. As Christians, we love to blame others for out short comings. Blame the defense, the referees, your coach, or maybe the devil himself. Take full credit for the wins, and zero for the losses. That’s how it’s done.

Sixth, Enjoy your life a little.

You are surrounded by beautiful women, and have enormous amounts of fame and money. Do your thing. I can’t think of a Christian I know who wouldn’t. Stop giving SO much to charity. It’s your money. Enjoy it. Buy a fleet of Lincoln’s or a gold sink or something.

Seventh, Stop talking about Jesus so much.

He’s not all at important to our faith. We don’t “deal with” Jesus anymore. We only need to focus on Him during Christmas and Easter. Remember, by talking about Him so much you are likely alienating other faiths. We don’t want that. We want unity.

8th, please ignore the first seven.

They are dumb ideas. Do you thing brother.

%d bloggers like this: