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Some Things God Can’t Stand

I can’t stand your trivial religious games:
Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings—
meetings, meetings, meetings—I can’t stand one more!
Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them!
I’m sick of your religion, religion, religion,
while you go right on sinning.
When you put on your next prayer-performance,
I’ll be looking the other way.
No matter how long or loud or often you pray,
I’ll not be listening.

Is 1:13–15 The Message

Christian Advice for Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow is an American football player who is vocal about his faith. Here’s some advice I hope he reads.  **Please read all 8 before getting all upset at me**

Dear Tim Tebow,

Christians around the world would like to ask you to tone it down a little. Your everyday, all-day religion is freaking us out. We love God too, and want to be good people. But there is more to our lives than God. All of your Jesus-ness is making us uncomfortable.

Here is our advice.

First, Stop praying so often.

Most Christians don’t pray anymore. Praying is old school. If we do pray, we only pray before a meal or before bed. We really don’t expect them to work, and neither should you. It’s not like praying before everything you do helps or anything.

Second, Stop putting scripture on your eye paint.

Most Christians don’t read scripture anymore, and the scripture we do read makes no difference in our lives. Reading scripture is outdated. We want inspirational quotes. We don’t know what on earth all that 3:16 stuff means. Is that a page number?

Third, Stop working so hard.

Hard-work is not fun. Life should be easy. Hard-work is lame. Most Christians want to believe and receive. There is no room for work in our theology, and if we do work it certainly Isn’t going to be hard.

Fourth, Stop being so positive.

Can’t you find one thing in your life to complain about? Couldn’t you could whine a little about the pressure you’re under or the media’s constant scrutiny? Maybe, you could complain about how hard it is to live on “only” $11,000,000.

Fifth, Pass the blame.

You actually takes responsibility for his mistakes. What is that garbage? Tebow, please pass the blame. As Christians, we love to blame others for out short comings. Blame the defense, the referees, your coach, or maybe the devil himself. Take full credit for the wins, and zero for the losses. That’s how it’s done.

Sixth, Enjoy your life a little.

You are surrounded by beautiful women, and have enormous amounts of fame and money. Do your thing. I can’t think of a Christian I know who wouldn’t. Stop giving SO much to charity. It’s your money. Enjoy it. Buy a fleet of Lincoln’s or a gold sink or something.

Seventh, Stop talking about Jesus so much.

He’s not all at important to our faith. We don’t “deal with” Jesus anymore. We only need to focus on Him during Christmas and Easter. Remember, by talking about Him so much you are likely alienating other faiths. We don’t want that. We want unity.

8th, please ignore the first seven.

They are dumb ideas. Do you thing brother.

How busy is Satan?

I heard someone this week say that Satan was battling to stop a song from playing on an iPod. Really? Does he have that kind of time? Does he have that kind of commitment? Will he

English painter from the 1700s depicts Satan a...

Image via Wikipedia

swing by a small church in Kalamazoo just to mess up their sound board? Shouldn’t he be harassing the pope or something?

Or maybe, was it a lack of preparation? Is it better to test the track before worship, or should we go straight to casting demons out of the sound equipment? How busy is Satan? He’s not God, he’s not all powerful. What kind of hours does he work? Maybe, he gets tired. Maybe, he needs to just chill out and watch the Jersey Shore? Does he take vacations?

If he is that committed to harassing even the smallest Christian, than we’ve got to pick up our game. We need to be more more aggressive in our approach to life.

If those little things aren’t caused directly by the Prince of Darkness, than we need to be more organized and prepared. Could a little planing and forethought help? Absolutely.

I believe the truth is somewhere in the middle. Yes, there is a spiritual realm, and the powers of darkness interfere in our lives. But, somethings aren’t caused by the devil. Somethings result from poor planing or the nature of our world. We should recognize our enemy, but not give him credit for everything.

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